That's Okay.

I had two days of contract work this week, Sunday and Monday. I'm a funeral director by trade. I helped a family arrange a funeral on Sunday and returned to direct the funeral on Monday. I met with two sisters, accompanied by their husband's plan a funeral for the women's mother. The deceased had lived into her 90's and the family was prepared. No added shock or grief, rather relief that their mother was no longer in pain.

At the funeral, the older of the daughters took the opportunity to share some memories of her mother. One particular story grabbed my attention:

"Mom always told us we were beautiful, smart and kind. She said that many would want to be our friends. She also said that there would be some that didn't like us...and that's okay."

What a great lesson. What great parenting, empowering children to cope with the inevitable. And it's critical information not only for children, but for adults as well.

There will be people that don't like you...

and that's okay.

Do you agree? Disagree? What other lessons should be learned as children that perhaps don't show (but should) up as adults?

ROL: Comfort Is Key.

ROL (Return on Life) is derived from the metric ROI (Return on Investment). Just as changes (hopefully small) to investment increase profitability (hopefully disproportionately larger than the increase in investment), small incremental changes in behavior can greatly increase QOL (Quality of Life). This week's ROI is about making others comfortable.

I have spent most of my professional life as a funeral director.  The families I serve are in pain, but almost everyone I serve is uncomfortable. People attending a funeral usually don't attend  funerals regularly. Given the subject matter no one other than funeral home staff is quite sure what to do.

People that arrive late for funeral are often in a quandary. Usually, the late attendee starts by apologizing to me (and hey, I only work there). As they approach the door to the service the look on their face is a cross between confusion and embarrassment. I have no way to politely tell the latecomers the family doesn't take attendance and often won't remember who attended the funeral. What I do to attempt to lessen their anxiety is inform them whether they are entering close or away from the lectern and which way to turn for seats. I don't know if my information helps, but it is information I like to know when I show up to anything late.

I need to remember to help people find a comfort level more ofter. I think it makes everyone happier.

What do you do to put others at ease? How does it make you feel when you help? How do you feel when no one helps make you comfortable in a strange/new situation?

ROL: In Review.

Given my professional history in funeral service I started "A Life Well Lived..." as my conception of a funeral home blog in April, 2011. The thought was "a life well lived" could help dilute the pain associated with a funeral for some families. The blog has taken a turn with my association with "Passionate Parents". "Passionate Parents" is a blogging tribe for parents, so I regularly include some parent themed posts. "Return On Life" is a signature topic that appears weekly on Thursday.  "Return On Life" offers for consideration incremental changes that can greatly increase quality of life hopefully, adding to "a life well lived". As 2011 comes to an end, I would like to offer 3 of my favorite "ROL" from the past year.

• The 1st ROL from May, which is about having the last word.
• From July about doing your best.
• From October about defining my (your) beliefs.

Thank you to everyone that has spent a moment or two with my little blog. Here's wishing everyone a happy, healthy and successful New Year.

Eight Days. Built In Mulligan.

Last night was the first night of Chanukah. My Facebook stream was awash with friends sharing the excitement and success of the first night. Highlights included a new Dad sharing a 1st Chanukah picture of his baby and a contemporary having emergency gall bladder surgery. The surgery was a success. Things didn't work out as I would have liked in my house.

Quality Family Time?

For the next two weeks, I'm watching a business for a friend. Being a funeral director the schedule for the next two weeks is very fluid. Yesterday I was called upon to meet with a family to plan a funeral.

I needed to meet the family in Highland Park, IL roughly 80 miles from my home. With Mommy working 6:30 AM-3 PM, Grandma and Grandpa are on call for childcare. I dropped the kids with Grandma and Grandpa in Huntley, IL which is 40 miles from home but on the route back and forth. I met the family and completed the necessary phone calls and paperwork for the funeral but it was close to dinner time. Grandma and Grandpa suggested I stay and have dinner with them and the kids. No Chanukah with G&G until the extended family Chanukah shindig Saturday night.

While I'm having dinner with the kids and in-laws, Mommy is at the treatment center. Fatigue+Dizziness=Sinus Infection. Mommy picks up her prescription and enjoy a sumptuous Chanukah dinner courtesy of the dashboard diner.

The kids are crazy on the way home and so mean to each other that presents are out of the question. As  I walk in the door, Mommy is laid out in her recliner with a washcloth on her forehead (Antibiotics don't work immediately). The kids are playing the creepy sibling game in  overdrive, so I rush them up to bed for my sake, Mommy's sake and probably for the kid's sake, too. No harm, no foul, but also no Chanukah.

Daddy Still Gets A Gift.

Before putting the kids to bed, they were mollified when I explained that no gift was taken away. Gifts were merely postponed. Still, I got my gift. My gift? Loving my kids with their imperfections. After all, simplest gifts are the best and I still have 7 more nights of hoopla to enjoy. As Adam Sandler says, there are Eight Crazy Nights.