ROL: Sometimes, It Just Sucks.

ROL (Return on Life) is a self designated qualitative measure based on the quantitative metric, ROI (Return on Investment). ROI is maximized when small investments provide whopping returns. ROL is maximized when small incremental lifestyle changes provide exceptional enhancement in one's QOL (Quality of Life). This week's ROL is about acknowledging and reacting to tough times.

As A Job.

"I don't know how you do your job. I couldn't do your job and I wouldn't want to do your job for anything." As a funeral director, I hear that frequently. I have a prepared answer. "I know my limitations. I know I can't do the one thing the family I'm serving wants me to do. The family wants me to restore their loved one not just to life, but to a vigorous healthy life. I know I can't do that, so I stay within my limitations." I know it's vital to maintain my composure and help the family plan the funeral. Maintaining my composure allows the family to lose their composure. Still, sometimes it just sucks.

Doing The Job.

This week I helped a friend by directing a funeral. The deceased was my age, survived by his wife and 20 month old daughter, his parents, a sister and her husband. He was predeceased by another sister and her husband, both within the last few months. Sometimes, it just sucks.

Not Even On The Job.

Sometimes, it just sucks. It doesn't have to be as bone numbing sad as the example above. Consider the twice a year (for a good reason) dinner with relatives. Sometimes, it just sucks and it's impossible to make it any better. But it is possible to keep it from getting any worse. And when keeping things from getting any worse is all that can be done, it's doing alot.

A Wish For 2012.

I'm concluding two weeks of watching a business for a friend while he was on vacation. During this time period I assisted nine families with funeral arrangements. I realize the role of a funeral director is not a role that makes me dance all the way home. Still, one day in particular weighs very heavily on me. On this day I made two funeral arrangements, back to back.

Money Troubles.

In one arrangement the deceased had died suddenly, leaving a spouse that hadn't worked full time in 3 years and their adult daughter. Friends present at the arrangement clued me in to the depths of the financial challenges the family is facing. Without violating confidence, the family is in significant financial trouble. When I asked for payment (the policy is to be paid in full no later than the day of the service), the family asked for a payment plan. "I'm sorry, we don't offer payment plans" was all I could offer. I left with the family promising to bring payment in full at the funeral service in roughly 36 hours. They had no clue how they were going to pay, neither did I.

source: Useful Free Stuff

The other arrangement was a fully grown son and his wife son planning a funeral for his parent. When the arrangement was concluded, I asked for payment. The son shared that his wife was a teacher, unemployed for almost two years. His parent was in fact helping to provide the roof over his and his wife's head. Son and wife did not have the resources to pay and wait for the estate. Without death certificates (which don't get ordered until the funeral is paid) to access his parent's funds, he could not pay the bill. Until he pays the bill, he won't gain access to the estate. He told me he would figure things out and get back to me.

Me, Too.

The business is in a Chicago suburb. The suburb was once working middle class but is now a suburb of affluence. I know first hand that many people (even those in affluent suburbs) are hit by the Great Depression of the 21st Century. One of the reasons I am so troubled by these two families is that in many ways I share their story of  financial woe and parental support. I walk in their shoes and don't have any great ideas on what to do if I had to plan a funeral for my wife (My mother preplanned and paid for her funeral).

In the end, both families were able to pay in full during the appropriate time frame. I have no idea what exchanges were made to find the necessary resources. I was relieved for them an myself, as well. I can hand my friend the keys to his business with no outstanding balances.

The New Year.

My plans for 2012 are to do the things necessary to not be in the same position as 2012 becomes 2013. I wish the same for the families I served these past two weeks and to every reader as well.

More importantly, I wish for the U.S. populace to work together for the same goal; people working at a job that can pay their bills. No politics, no finger pointing. We can all blame ourselves. Everyone has a share in this economic national disaster and everyone has responsibility to clean up this mess. When I write my end of 2012 post, I hope to have a different wish for 2013. Happy New Year.

One Great Lesson In Leadership.

Last Friday I saw a great lesson in leadership from my friend, Andi. Andi asked me to accept one day of contract work. As usual, I was happy to oblige.

A Rough Day For A Family.

I am a funeral director by trade, as is Andi. She requested my assistance with a funeral at a local synagogue. Jewish funeral customs are such that a visitation the night before the funeral is extremely rare as is viewing of the deceased by the general public. Whether the family receives condolences at the funeral prior to the service is subject to local custom. On Friday, the family chose to stay in seclusion prior to the service. The family expected about 500 people at the funeral. Some of the attendees are public figures and many were flying in from out of town. Given these parameters, the family gave Andi a list of attendees family members would like to see prior to the start of the funeral service.

What To Do?

Including myself in the conversation, funeral director have large egos. It comes with the territory. Funeral Directors also pride themselves on their "following"; families that specifically want to work with a specific funeral director. Many funeral directors would have chosen to be in full view as people arrived for the funeral. Being in grand view is a great way for a funeral director to network and grow a following. Andi made a different choice.

It's About Choices.

Andi requested my presence on Friday specifically for my assistance and judgement as people arrived to attend the funeral. Why? Because Andi wanted to be "on the door" where the family was in seclusion prior to the start of the funeral service. This allowed her to be at the family's call prior to the service. This also made Andi responsible for who was allowed to see the family. Andi chose to protect the familiy's privacy (a primary request of the family) at the expense of the opportunity to network prior to the funeral service.

Leaders Lead.

The lesson: Don't delegate primary responsibilities. If it's really bad for something to happen (or not) be in charge of that part of the event or project. Forgo the flash. Take control of what's important even if it leaves you in the background. That's leadership.


What other examples of leadership can you share? Feel free to include "how to" or "how not to".