Seasonal Stress.

Home for the holidays. The sentence invokes images of Norman Rockwell prints or Currier and Ives plates. These idyllic portraits are great but holiday time isn’t perfect for everyone.  The holidays can be stressful even in the strongest families, especially when dealing with a recent death. With this in mind, here are some practical guidelines for loss/death related holiday stress:

source: Wikipedia

• If this is the 1^st set of holidays after a death: You may notice the new absence when your loved one’s “specialty” occurs: (ex: making the stuffing, carving the turkey, putting up the tree, serving home-made pies or just sitting in a recliner watching TV all day).  You might cry, or not. The holiday may feel the same as last year. It’s also possible you’ll feel nothing, like Novocain without the tingling. Don’t expect a schedule for experiencing new emotions.  Give yourself a break, you’re human. Don’t apologize, no one expects an apology.
• If you’re beyond the first full year cycle, you are not immune to sadness induced stress. Pain related to death does not have a schedule and does not fight fair. There is no announcement of an impending crying jag; no time to protect yourself. This manifestation of grief will hide around the corner and kick you in the face when you least expect it. Don’t fear this pain, embrace it. It comes with the territory.
• Note: If the pain is so great you can’t leave bed for days, you may require professional help. Do not try and solve this problem alone.
• Finally, rely on friends and family. That’s why they are there. 

Over time you will come to understand the source of this stress and though still saddened by the loss, you will smile at the memories.

ROL: Drink Up!

ROL (Return on Life) is about making simple and/or incremental changes that have major returns for a better life. Last week's ROL was about drinking more water. This week's ROL is about drinking with gusto.

The quote, "The optimist sees the glass as half full and the pessimist sees the glass as half empty" has generated a multitude of sermons, columns, variations and jokes. At it's core the 1/2 full, 1/2 empty debate is about a person's outlook: do they seek out positive or always find negative. Although I work hard at seeking the positive, sometimes I fail and find the negative. Beginning today, neither matters.

It's rare that a person's glass is either exactly 1/2 full and much rarer that the glass is completely full or totally empty. The overwhelming majority of our lives the glass is partially full/empty. Sometimes the glass is more than 1/2 full, sometimes more than 1/2 empty. Occasionally the glass is almost full, occasionally the glass is nearly empty. Now it's time to finish the quote: "The optimist sees the glass as half full, the pessimist sees the glass as half and empty and the realist drinks from the glass." Time to get real and drink up.

There are times (hopefully often) when the glass is half full. When the glass is half full, drink up and experience the joy that surrounds you. Don't wait for whatever may lie around the corner, today is the only today you or I have. Don't waste today's good for fear of tomorrow's bad.

There are also times (hopefully few) when the glass is half or nearly empty. During these challenging times, it's important to drink up also. Life isn't 100% the best of everything all the time. When you encounter anger, disappointment, frustration or pain it's important to engage these emotions. Talk, rant, cry, articulate or scream about how you are feeling. The bad is just as honest as the good. Own the crap and let the world know. It's probably the best way to minimize the bad and certainly the only way to move beyond the bad.