Seasonal Stress.

Home for the holidays. The sentence invokes images of Norman Rockwell prints or Currier and Ives plates. These idyllic portraits are great but holiday time isn’t perfect for everyone.  The holidays can be stressful even in the strongest families, especially when dealing with a recent death. With this in mind, here are some practical guidelines for loss/death related holiday stress:

source: Wikipedia

• If this is the 1^st set of holidays after a death: You may notice the new absence when your loved one’s “specialty” occurs: (ex: making the stuffing, carving the turkey, putting up the tree, serving home-made pies or just sitting in a recliner watching TV all day).  You might cry, or not. The holiday may feel the same as last year. It’s also possible you’ll feel nothing, like Novocain without the tingling. Don’t expect a schedule for experiencing new emotions.  Give yourself a break, you’re human. Don’t apologize, no one expects an apology.
• If you’re beyond the first full year cycle, you are not immune to sadness induced stress. Pain related to death does not have a schedule and does not fight fair. There is no announcement of an impending crying jag; no time to protect yourself. This manifestation of grief will hide around the corner and kick you in the face when you least expect it. Don’t fear this pain, embrace it. It comes with the territory.
• Note: If the pain is so great you can’t leave bed for days, you may require professional help. Do not try and solve this problem alone.
• Finally, rely on friends and family. That’s why they are there. 

Over time you will come to understand the source of this stress and though still saddened by the loss, you will smile at the memories.

Ralph Waldo Emerson Trust 30 Challenge: Alive-est, With My Kids.

This Trust 30 prompt is from Sam Davidson. The charge is to recall a recent time when I felt most alive. Record the scene, feelings, even the smells. That recollection recorded can serve as motivator whenever I hit the wall.

Summertime and the Livin' is???

This summer had all the requisite protocol for disaster. The kids weren't going to camp, my wife rejoined the workforce (2nd shift, no less) and July was hotter than a pizza oven. My wife had always originated kids activities, but now it was my turn. I wasn't worried about taking care of my kids, but keeping them occupied and engaged well... I was a bit concerned.  Then voila, the obvious smacked me in the face and a plan was hatched.

It's Fun to Play at the YMCA.

We  were lucky enough to be gifted a summer membership to the local YMCA. In the middle of the heat wave I checked the YMCA pool schedule and found that Tuesday and Thursday evenings were conducive for a family swim. In order to beat the heat and help the kids burn some energy, I decided we would go the next night, Thursday.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part.

Thursday was a day full of excitement. The kids wanted to get ready for the pool at lunchtime, even though we weren't going until after dinner. I set 4 PM as the get ready time to avoid them waking up the next pool day and going from pajamas to swimsuits. The picture of my daughter coming to dinner in her pink cover up, pink swim goggles and purple backpack will stay with me forever. And that was merely a beginning.

Jump in, the Water's Fine.

I had some concerns, especially about taking them into water without my wife's help. The kids are 51/2 years apart and both are blessed with ADHD. Additionally my son has Asperger's Syndrome. Turns out, I had nothing to worry about. Like most kids, my kids love the water. This wasn't always the case with my son but this summer was different. We all played catch. My son and I watched my daughter go down the waterslide repeatedly.  My son found a rubber duck which I proceeded to put on a duck shaped hard foam sponge creating a rubber duck on a duck raft. (This became our 1st thing in the pool ritual).  My daughter even made up a game: "Floatie in the Middle". Instead of "Monkey in the Middle" the one in the middle held up a swim noodle in a semi circle and the ball had to pass thru the noodle on the way to the other player. These Y trips were among the best parts of summer. Whenever I smell chlorine, these swim nights will always come to mind. I consider this event(s) an example of how my family and I can rise to an occasion simply by getting with the program. I put aside my concerns to get things done. The results were better than I could have imagined.

What about you? Any examples of how you forged ahead and felt great?

ROL: Don't Drown, Drink It Up.

ROL (Return on Life) is a qualitative counterpart of the quantitative marketing analytic, ROI. ROI greatly increases when a little input generates a significantly greater output. Likewise, ROL increases when small life changes produce a greater quality of life. This week's ROL is...well, read on.

I can't believe it's already Thursday afternoon and I'm not set to go with an ROL topic. I have two posts nearly done but can't get what I need in time to make my self-imposed Thursday deadline. I've posted just once since last Thursday. What's going on?

As a starter, the Trust30 prompt for Tuesday was a great idea to help promote my website, "Crowdsourcing A Good Life". Unfortunately, I've been blocked and hadn't posted a new question to the site in over a month. Luckily, Gini Dietrich posted about Spotify. Gini's post planted the seed that lifted the block. The site was updated along with the corresponding Facebook page. A large portion of my social media time allotment was tied up with the site and FB updates but there was more going on, as well.

This past Sunday, my wife rejoined the workforce after a 12 year absence.  Given current conditions and a gigantic hole in my wife's resume (Hole? Spending 12 years concentrating on a household. Birthing and raising two kids, 1 of which is special needs lite and the other which is special needs lighter. This is a hole?), we're thrilled she landed as a 2nd shift CSR at a call center. My wife's new schedule required me to become a primary with the kids. I'm responsible for lunch and dinner and clean up and putting leftovers in a container for wifey's next day dinner. A large portion of computer allocation disappeared with the 1st week of the new schedule. I expect to reclaim this time, but change is turbulent.

My point? I consider building my brand and sharpening my skills in the e-community as part of my day to day responsibilities. When cooking for my kids took my time and energy I could have become angry; the new schedule was stealing my time. A wave of frustration and self pity could have washed over me and gotten the rest of my household wet, too. Instead I relished in literally feeding my family. I chose to enjoy the after dinner time alone with the kids (very challenging during the kids non-medicated hours). Sure, I'm not pleased to have blown a week without promoting me, but frankly that was "money in the pot" anyway. I didn't lose a week of family time along with the unwritten blog posts.

No matter how much we resist, change happens all the time without permission. Those changes will take that which we all hold dear. If we persist in ongoing anger about those already happened changes we lose the joy that new circumstance can bring. Occasionally, changes can be life altering and not in a good way. Too often, meaningless crap consumes us and robs us of the ability to adapt and turn those challenges positive.  

It's a waste to get lost in what has slipped away. 

Find all the good that awaits the next day.

Emerson Trust 30 Challenge: Do What I Am Afraid To Do.

After a sabbatical from the Emerson Trust 30 Challenge, I find my self back in the box, so to speak. As I said in my post, "An Apology", life got in the way of confronting life. Frankly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Prompt 9 from Mary Jaksch is about confronting that which I am afraid to do, or in this case, write about a topic that I would choose to not write about.

I could blog about bungee jumping or mountain climbing because I would never do either. I remember a former manager of mine saying, "There's a place where it's $99 for 2 bungee jumps." I replied, "Hell, I might jump twice to make $99." He told me, "No, it costs only $99 to jump twice". My response, "You pay to jump off a bridge with a big rubber band tied to your feet? Why would you do that?". He shook his head and walked away. Anyway, it's too simple to write about my fear of doing something corporal that I would indeed never do. There is no personal challenge in that.

I am most afraid of disappointing my family. Make that my wife and kids and marginally my mother. My mother was higher up on the list until I had a wife and kids. It's not that other family member don't matter but in fact other family members don't matter. I wouldn't go out of my way to make them angry, but if any family member other than my wife or kids are disappointed, oh well. In fact, outside of my wife and kids, others are unimportant.

My fear of disappointing wife and kids derives from my near 3 year period of unemployment. My plans are to open a service business to provide personalized life cycle celebrations, serving the secular/unaffiliated community. Failure or failing to bridge into other income producing areas could send everything into hell in a hand basket. My marriage is strong and house still owned but failure could cost both. Living in a box on the street is only marginally better than being dead on the street.  It would create the memories I would never want my kids to have. I'm sure all of us would survive the ordeal and sores would heal. Still, healed sores come with scars that are a constant reminder of the wound. Energy is a limited resource and I fear that I simply don't have the energy to invest in repairing the damage caused by homelessness and divorce. In that light, here's to success in all my future ventures.